Trading Fists for Friendship: Redefining Masculinity through Bridgebuilding
Bridgebuilding provides a peaceful alternative to conflict resolution, challenging the aggressive instincts ingrained by traditional masculinity. Read more!
Recently, I had the privilege of attending the Interfaith Leadership Summit, where I facilitated several trainings on bridgebuilding for college and graduate students. In these sessions, we explored the practice of bridging divides between different groups, seeking connection and understanding across seemingly overwhelming differences. Bridgebuilding is about more than just finding common ground—it’s about creating pathways to empathy and mutual respect, even when disagreements persist.
As I reflect on why this work resonates with me, I can’t help but consider its relation to traditional masculinity. Too often, men are conditioned to escalate disagreements into aggression or even violence. We’re surrounded by examples—on a global stage, in politics, and in our personal lives—that shows how this pattern plays out. From a young age, many men are taught that to “be a man” means defending our masculinity at all costs, even when it means shutting down dialogue and resorting to confrontation.
This notion of defending our masculinity often turns into a performance. We strive to meet arbitrary standards, fearing that if we fall short, we risk being perceived as weak, feminine, or somehow less of a man. When faced with challenges or disagreements, we’re taught to go into defense mode, shifting the power from our minds to our fists. This reactive approach, fueled by a desire to prove our worth within the narrow parameters of traditional masculinity, is neither productive nor healthy.
This is why bridgebuilding offers me a sense of solace. In a world that is deeply divided, traditional masculinity’s push for men to fight instead of listen only deepens the gap. When we encounter someone who expresses views we disagree with, the instinct shouldn’t be to label them as an enemy. We might hold wildly different opinions, but that doesn’t justify insults, aggression, or violence.
Bridgebuilding encourages us to listen, to exchange stories, and to genuinely understand one another. It asks us to sit in the discomfort that so many of us are used to avoiding. But this practice of connection doesn’t require us to abandon our values or convictions. In fact, it’s essential that we hold onto what matters most to us. What bridgebuilding offers is a way to engage with others without compromising our integrity, while still opening ourselves up to the possibility of finding common ground.
Maybe we won’t see eye to eye on the issues that divide us, but we might discover shared interests—be it a love for food, a desire to travel, or a deep commitment to our families, allowing us to humanize one another. This is why I believe in the power of bridgebuilding. It provides a peaceful approach to conflict meditation in a world where reactivity and aggression have become all too common. By fostering understanding instead of perpetuating division, bridgebuilding allows us to reimagine masculinity as something rooted in connection, empathy, and strength through vulnerability.
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Embracing Ahimsa (Non-Violence) in Masculinity
Is he going to fight us? Standing on that escalator, I found myself caught in a whirlwind of unexpected confrontation and questioning what it truly means to be a man.
How Amar Peterman Navigated the Performance of Masculinity
I recently had the privilege of interviewing Amar Peterman, a good friend and Indian American scholar whose work resides at the intersection of faith and public life.
The Ridiculous Rules of Being a Man
I recently had a few conversations with men about how they have felt restricted from doing something simple in their lives because they have received some message that they shouldn’t do it because they are a man.