Embracing Ahimsa (Non-Violence) in Masculinity
Is he going to fight us? How I drew on my values in a surprisingly aggressive encounter.
Is he going to fight us? Standing on that escalator, I found myself caught in a whirlwind of unexpected confrontation and questioning what it truly means to be a man.
Chatting with my friend on the right, I stood on the left side of the elevator. Suddenly, a man behind me began shouting, demanding I move. His abrasive demeanor left me feeling perplexed and unsettled, prompting me to quickly apologize and shift to the other side.
Unfortunately, the encounter didn’t end there. As the man got off the escalator, he berated us for our alleged ignorance of escalator etiquette and then walked off. My friend expressed her disappointment, suggesting there was a nicer way to communicate. Evidently, he heard her.
He aggressively turned around, demanding my friend “say it to his face.” As he approached the bottom of the escalator, the uncertainty of his intentions took over my mind – is he going to fight us?
I glanced back at the bewildered faces of those behind me on the escalator, seeking validation that this situation was indeed abnormal. I turned back around when I noticed that my friend started to raise her voice with him. The man shouted back at her and then stormed off.
His random aggression lingered with me long after the incident – should I have responded differently? Should I have responded like my friend? Every notion of masculinity that I’ve been taught would have urged me to confront him, even if it meant escalating the situation to violence. But, that’s not who I am.
Raised in a Hindu household, the concept of ahimsa, or non-violence, has always guided my interactions. I refused to let this man’s negative energy affect me. I chose to maintain calm and not escalate the tension. While my response diverged from traditional expectations of masculinity, I found solace in staying true to my values.
I want to live in a world where people treat each other with respect and dignity, and all conflicts are mediated in a compassionate manner. If I allowed his negative energy to consume me and I started yelling back, then the negative energy would have doubled – the opposite of what I would have wanted.
I believe it’s crucial for us to define masculinity on our own terms, rather than conforming to others’ definitions of what it means to be a man. My confidence in responding to this situation with calm was derived from my personal value of ahimsa, non-violence.
When we anchor ourselves in introspection and a commitment to empathy and non-violence, external “threats” to our masculinity become inconsequential. By embracing a masculinity rooted in respect and compassion, we not only redefine societal norms but also pave the way for a more inclusive and peaceful future.
