Why Boundaries Matter
Boundaries let your loved ones know what makes you feel respected, supported, and safe. Read more!
I recently finished reading But What Will People Say? by Sahaj Kaur Kohli, a therapist and founder of the Instagram channel, @browngirltherapy. As someone of South Asian descent, Kohli offers thoughtful insights on navigating the challenges of living between cultures. Her book blends personal and professional perspectives, helping readers understand their identity, relationships, and cultural dynamics. For me, it provided so many helpful reflections on my own connections to my culture, my parents, and myself.
One of the key themes in the book is the importance of setting boundaries. While boundaries are crucial for maintaining mental health, they can feel particularly complicated in multicultural contexts. In some cultures, the concept of boundaries might not be familiar or easily accepted, making it difficult to establish them with loved ones. This is especially true in immigrant households, where differing cultural values can make it hard to explain why boundaries are needed. Yet, setting boundaries is not about rejecting relationships—it’s about protecting and improving them.
Boundaries are essentially a way to communicate your needs to others. By setting boundaries, you’re letting your loved ones know what makes you feel respected, supported, and safe. In a way, boundaries are a gift to the relationship because they create a structure for mutual respect and understanding. For example, if you tell someone you need more time to yourself, you’re not shutting them out—you’re allowing yourself to recharge so you can show up more fully in the relationship. When approached with care, boundaries can strengthen connections rather than harm them.
It’s also important to remember that boundaries aren’t fixed—they may shift depending on your circumstances or relationships. However, what doesn’t change is the fact that your boundaries are valid, even if others don’t understand them. You don’t need to justify or over-explain your boundaries to anyone. Respecting them should be enough.
That said, in cultures where boundaries are less common, it may take creative communication to help others understand. For example, you could frame boundaries in a way that resonates with their values, like emphasizing how they will improve family harmony or show care for everyone involved. Even when it’s difficult, taking the time to explain boundaries can lead to stronger, healthier relationships. Ultimately, boundaries are about creating space for respect and growth—for yourself and for the people you care about.