Educator Matt Segil Shares Tactics on Teaching Emotional Expression
When we have the tools to articulate how we feel, we can prevent conflicts from arising or handle conflicts if they arise.
Hello, everyone!
Hope you are having a great holiday week! Over the past week, I have been reflecting on emotional expression. From anger to sadness to fear, emotions are a part of life. Unfortunately, emotions are messy. We can’t always tell what we are feeling.
I recently spoke with Matt Segil, an educator in the Boston area who equips middle school students with tools to identify their emotions and understand others’ as well. He believes that if students learn how to express themselves better, they are best equipped to prevent conflicts before they arise and deal with the ones that inevitably would. As a man, he recognizes that the range of “socially acceptable” emotions available to men are limited, which contributes to conflict.
In the conversation with Matt, he shared one tool that he uses to help students articulate emotion: the Feelings Wheel. Created by Dr. Gloria Wilcox, the Feelings Wheel is a tool to help people articulate and understand emotional expression.
Check out the full interview with Matt Segil and learn more about the Feelings Wheel below!
Beyond the Classroom: Mediating Conflict with Educator Matt Segil
Suraj: Noting the previous experiences in grade school you shared about the use of misogynistic language, how has that influenced how you teach your students about the language they use now?
Matt: My methods depended on the schools and the demographics of where I worked as well as how receptive the students are to these ideas or how much they’ve already heard them. In certain districts, it was tough. I would talk to kids about their language, which was really hard to change. What I tried to do was start with curiosity and ask, why are you saying that? Or, do you know where that word comes from? I would try to open the dialogue rather than say “you can’t say that” or “don’t do that.” That’s not a way to change someone’s mindset and in many cases, it’s counterproductive in a school.
Suraj: That makes sense. When you tell a kid not to do something, they are likely to do it especially if it grants them status among their peers.
Matt: You know, some teachers would have full sit-down talks with students. Some students did process it, but it is tough when everybody around them is using words in a certain way. I think changing the way you express yourself is a reasonable ask for a 13-year-old, but policing your friends’ language is difficult to do socially.
Suraj: You’ve worked in different types of school settings. Was this the case in most of your schools?
Matt: When I worked in a different district where the demographics were different and the culture didn’t use misogynistic and homophobic language, the language issues didn’t come up very often. If they did, the sit-down conversations were more effective. These students were more open to these ideas to begin with.
Suraj: What did you discuss during these sit-down conversations?
Matt: I worked on emotional processing and conflict resolution. I would give students a sample altercation like two kids are in a fight at recess. I would then give them a script and they would act out this role play. Then, the students get more information like the kid in the example is new to the school and doesn’t know the rules. The students would then be asked to look at the feelings wheel. It’s a wheel with a whole spectrum from fear, embarrassment, anger, and excitement. The idea is that the more specific you can be with an emotion, the more accurately you can identify what needs to happen. For example, if I feel anger, then the anger might contain a bunch of other things such as resentment or maybe offense.
Suraj: I love this wheel! I see many uses for this tool.
Matt: Yeah, I encouraged them to think about other people when using the wheel. What do you think this person is feeling? Be as specific as you can. Do they need some community or maybe freedom of expression? With this, we build empathy.
Suraj: This would be helpful for adults too.
Matt: Absolutely. There is another thing called faux feelings, which are emotions masquerading around as something else. For example, if you feel belittled, that might involve feeling hurt, intense, or distressed. What you need is respect or autonomy. It is a wonderful way to have a restorative conversation.
The Feelings Wheel
Emotional expression is inherently complex. As humans, we navigate a spectrum of feelings, from anger to sadness to fear. Yet, in the midst of these emotions, the reasons behind our feelings are not always clear. For instance, when we experience anger, is it rooted in feeling let down, humiliated, bitter, aggressive, or frustrated?
The ability to articulate the nuances of our emotions is a beneficial skill. Being able to express how we are feeling can act as a preventative measure against future conflicts. Misunderstandings can be frustrating, leaving us feeling alone or irritated when others fail to comprehend how we are feeling.
When we lack the ability to articulate our emotions, we may believe that a feeling is one thing, when in reality, it is something else entirely. The lack of clarity can easily challenge relationships and lead us down the wrong path.
Therefore, tools for articulating emotional expression are invaluable. Dr. Gloria Wilcox developed a tool known as the Feelings Wheel, designed to help individuals identify their emotions by delving into the intricacies of specific feelings. For example, sadness may stem from feelings of loneliness or guilt, each of which can be further elaborated as emotions like abandonment or isolation and shame or remorse, respectively.
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