Digital Masculinity Needs Change—Just Read the Comments
From body-shaming to hate speech, it’s time to ask: what kind of men are we becoming online?
Whenever I watch a video online, the first thing I do without thinking: check the comments. I’m not always aware of it. It’s become a reflex.
There’s actually a term for this in behavioral science: social proof. It’s the idea that we look to others to help us figure out how to feel about something. Their reactions give us context, and sometimes even permission, to form our own opinion.
Yet, I didn’t always seek others’ input to form an opinion. Years ago, I remember going to the movies, walking out with my own thoughts, and only later discussing it with friends. Sometimes I would agree with them, and other times I would proudly disagree. But now, I’m used to consuming the reaction while consuming the content.
So why am I bringing this up?
If the comment section is where we contextualize content, it is important that the comment section is a clean, appropriate, and thoughtful space. As I’m sure you are aware, it’s not. It can be a really toxic place. Too often, the comments aren’t just critical, they are cruel. Hateful, even. And a lot of that hate comes from men.
That’s a problem when the goal is to build a world centered on shared humanity.
I recently saw a video calling out people leaving body-shaming comments aimed at Selena Gomez. All of them were from men. Men criticizing her appearance, diminishing her success, and tossing around insults like they cost nothing. It was disappointing to watch. Not just because of what they were saying, but also because it is now so common.
These types of men aren’t only the ones that are far removed from society. These men include everyday men. Men who hold jobs. Men who have children. Men who are married. And they are writing comments bashing a woman’s body online?
It made me think about masculinity, specifically how it shows up online. Digital masculinity, if you will.
Remember that childhood rule we all heard growing up:
If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
That rule was drilled into our heads for a reason. That moment of hesitation before speaking, where we ask ourselves, “Is this kind? It this necessary?,” is not a weakness. That’s maturity.
But online, the pause seems to disappear between writing a comment and pressing publish. The screen makes it feel like our words don’t carry the same weight. But they do. They always do.
What makes it worse is that kids are watching. They are online, reading these comments. Seeing grown men attack strangers for how they look and deeming that appropriate behavior. We wouldn’t tolerate this type of behavior in a grocery store or at the park, so why is it okay in a comment section?
And yes, free speech matters. It’s essential. But what does it say about us when we use that freedom to hurt others? When we use it to shame someone’s body or spread hate in digital spaces where children spend their time?
Masculinity doesn’t have to look like domination or cruelty. It can look like restraint. Like kindness. Like silence. Sometimes, silence is the best choice.
Because words are powerful. They shape how we see each other, how we treat each other, and what we pass down to those watching us. So, we should be intentional about which ones we use.
As men, our words can either reinforce the harm or help build something better.
A world rooted in empathy, dignity, and shared humanity isn’t impossible to achieve. Sometimes, it starts with an action as simple as pausing before you post—choosing not to hurt someone just because you can.