Can service be truly selfless?

Embracing the Sikh concept of Seva (Selfless Service) in Healthy Masculinity

Apr 09, 2024

I remember watching an episode of Friends where Joey had this theory: there is no such thing as a selfless good deed. He argued that if you felt good after doing something nice for someone, then the deed is selfish. Phoebe, on the other hand, tried to prove him wrong but ended up failing each time.

This got me thinking. Doing something selflessly means putting others’ needs before your own, which requires empathy and compassion. Selfless service also contributes positively to one’s community, which demonstrates a commitment to the well-being of others.

So, similar to Phoebe, I felt uncomfortable with the premise of no good deed being selfless. Does it really matter if doing something nice makes you feel good? Isn’t that the point of selfless service, to spread happiness around?

To me, being selfish means putting your own needs first, even if it hurts others. Like offering to help someone in financial trouble, but expecting something in return or public praise for your generosity rather than simply wanting to help those in need.

But being selfless? That is when you put others’ needs ahead of your own, even if it means sacrificing something. Like donating blood or organs. You are literally giving a part of yourself to save someone else’s life, without expecting anything in return.

Simran Jeet Singh explores the concept of selfless service in his book, specifically through the lens of Sikhism. Seva, which translates to selfless service, is a central theme. He encourages us to reconsider the golden rule using this notion. The traditional golden rule states ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you.’ Singh delves into how this mindset was often embraced by colonizers, viewing themselves as superior agents of civilization who aimed to conquer others under the guise of ‘service.’

However, when we examine seva, we reinterpret the golden rule as ‘do unto others as they would want done unto them.’ This approach removes our own desires from the equation, as it is rooted in selflessness and love. Ultimately, the more rewarding approach in my opinion.

So, maybe Joey had a point, but the real question isn’t whether you feel good doing something nice. It’s about your intentions. Are you helping others genuinely, or just for personal gain? That’s what matters in the end.