Alone on an Island: Breaking Free from Self-Reliance
I followed a path believing I should be an island, facing challenges on my own. Recently, I recognized it was me adopting this traditionally masculine trait of self-reliance in disguise.
I grew up believing I shouldn’t trust anyone with my personal information. Whether it was due to masculine socialization or cultural influences, I felt the need to handle life’s problems on my own.
I embraced the stoic masculinity archetype, carrying burdens without sharing them. Self-reliance became my shield against vulnerability. In moments of frustration or loneliness, I turned to self-care activities like journaling and exercise.
While these outlets were healthy, they still meant dealing with issues alone. I followed a path believing I should be an island, facing challenges on my own. Recently, I recognized it was me adopting this traditionally masculine trait of self-reliance in disguise.
Sharing challenges with friends and loved ones brought us closer. I had built walls to shield myself, but lowering them and letting others share burdens made me feel lighter and strengthened my relationships. In return, others also felt more comfortable, and friendships thrived.
It made me ponder: if I, someone who often reflects on traditionally masculine traits, felt compelled to carry my burdens alone, how many others are navigating similar isolated paths? This means that expanding the definition of masculinity is not just personal but a collective need. Sharing challenges doesn’t just lighten our loads; it paves the way for a healthier expression of masculinity, where seeking support is an act of courage, not defeat.
Traditional Masculinity’s Impact on Health and Peace
In our ever-evolving societal landscape, it’s imperative to scrutinize the impact of traditional masculinity, not as a personal identity but as a force contributing to negative health and peace outcomes. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, 72.5 percent of all arrestees were males in 2019. Of the persons arrested for violent crimes, 78.9 percent were males.
While we know that the vast majority of males are not violent and there are challenges with the criminal justice system, these numbers still tell a compelling story: this phenomenon isn’t happenstance. From early childhood and adolescence, boys are groomed to prioritize traits like self-reliance, dominance, and rigid gender roles in the name of masculinity. They are discouraged from expressing their full range of emotions and rewarded for figuring out problems on their own. This ingrained script unfolds into adulthood, where men, molded by these socialization practices, are less inclined to seek mental health support.
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the suicide rate among males in 2021 was approximately four times higher than the rate among females. They state that males make up half of the population, but nearly 80 percent of the suicides. The impacts of traditionally masculinity are impacting men and society at large. Therefore, it benefits everybody to take a closer look at traditionally masculine traits and understand their consequences.
In the article below, you will find common traditionally masculine traits and their impacts on health and peace. While not exhaustive, you will also find recommendations for addressing these issues.
Dominance
Dominance, sometimes synonymous with strength and control, can manifest in ways that lead to reluctance around seeking medical care as well as power struggles and conflicts. Traditional gender norms often emphasize strength, creating a cultural expectation that men should downplay the challenges in their life they cannot control. This leads to men enduring health issues on their own. This dominance-driven reluctance to seek medical attention or help when needed can exacerbate preventable issues and lead to delayed diagnoses or interventions.
Recommendations: Shift societal expectations around dominance as a masculine norm. Encourage men to prioritize their well-being and seek medical care without fear of judgment. Celebrate preventive care like the prostate cancer campaign organized by Movember.
In the realm of peace, dominance leads to conflicts and power struggles between individuals or groups. When boys and men assert their interests forcefully, tensions arise and relationships become competitive. In extreme cases, violence erupts. Research shows that men who adhere to traditionally masculine traits like dominance are likely to engage in intimate partner violence.
Recommendations: Challenge the notions that dominance and control are the only ways to be masculine. Focus on peaceful conflict resolution and collaboration. Encourage boys from a young age to extend respect to all people, including girls, women, and gender-diverse communities.
In Case You Missed It…
From Boys to Men: Embracing the 7 Pillars of Healthy Masculinity
Finding Common Ground: 6 Communication Techniques for Conflict Resolution
Media Messages Matter: How Children’s Media Shapes Young Boys